In 20 years I will regret this …

Looks like it’s time for me to give another life update, so here’s whats been happening lately:

1. I turned 23. Obviously, I feel the same.

2. I discovered the Furminator. Pet owners rejoice! If you don’t know about it, you should.

3. I have been at my part-time marketing gig for a while now, and I am finally starting to get the gist of things. Starting in a new office can get super awkward, like when you make a (it was harmless, really) Mormon joke and then realize that your boss is Mormon … and  your boss’ boss. Oops.

4. I have gotten a few new freelance clients that I am super excited about — posts with those projects will come later.

5. I was called “sir” at a Wal-Mart. Apparently a Stuffy Nose + Baggy Sweatshirt + A Hangover = a Y chromosome. Maybe my next checker will make eye-contact with me first before addressing me. I mean seriously, besides the girl boobs, butt (and hopefully face), I was wearing a “MHS Senior Girls” sweatshirt, and if that didn’t give it away, she could have figured it out from the giant mascara rings under my eyes. So thank you, Wal-Mart checker, 20 years from now when I can afford it, my shrink will be hearing about YOU first.

6. I bought a 5lb. bag of lemons from Costco, thinking that normal proportions of lemons are just too dang expensive and I will save SO MUCH MONEY on my citrus bill! Good god woman! What were you thinking? I need lemon recipes asap!

7. I became addicted to Dooce. Miss Heather, if your hits suddenly went up for no apparent reason, it was because I was reading your entire archive of old blog entries. Yes. All of them. Hopefully my boss won’t look at my browsing history any time soon.

8.  I started drinking a glass of wine everyday with dinner for the health benefits. Then I stopped after 3 days because it was too expensive (I am not MADE of money Mr. Sutter Home!) and I hate hand-washing my wine glasses, and I am too proud to drink my wine from a keg cup. In 20 years I will look back on this post and say “You were a dumb wank in your 20’s, now you have wrinkles and you can’t meet your daily allowance of antioxidants.” Then my 23-year-old self will say “Yes, but now you can retire years earlier because I didn’t spend that extra 7 dollars a week! So please shut-up, eat a pomegranate, and see your shrink!”

9. I started having imaginary conversations with myself 20 years from now.

10. My car is about to die. Poor Elvis never thought it would come to this. Everyday I get in my car and use the power of The Secret to start my car. Up until now The Secret (or the engine … whichever) hasn’t failed me, but alas I know it is time to start looking for a new ride. I think I will still stay in the Jeep family, but now I know from experience not to name my things after people who are already dead.

My beta John Lennon never saw it coming. I only had him for 2 days before he croaked.

While before I just picked fun, classic names, now I am learning that I must asses risk and age of the person before committing to a name. For example, while I would LOVE to name my next car after someone I SUPER love, like Oprah, but she is far to famous and political, making her a target. If she ever died (god forbid) my car would go right with her. Therefore I must pick someone young (unfortunately) like a Jonas brother or a fictional character.

Like Shrek. Or Cinderella. Or Jabba the Hut.

Yes. A Jeep Liberty named Jabba the Hut. Excellent. Wait … did Jabba die?